Happy New Year!
I’m not sure if I was the only one to get crushed in 2019 or not, but the struggle WAS and IS real! I was dealt a funky hand of depression, anxiety and panic attacks. It was the kind of game, where I couldn’t fold or toss my hand in. I had to play with the cards I was dealt, because that was my reality. It was a scary time for me, because I didn’t know what would trigger me. I found myself crying more than usual. I had to realize this hand being played was a physical one too. Although, I thought I was just losing my mind, I was losing control of everything else too!
One significant thing I was losing; was my breath! I struggled with breathing and I don’t have asthma or any lung conditions that could justify this either. I could be approaching a crowd, and air would take a U-turn and I would be left struggling to breath. This happened to me at least 5 times last year. Sometimes, it would happen on my way to an event while in the car. Literally lost my voice! It was horrible and this my friend, was my struggle; this was my reality!
My reality grasping moment was when I noticed that depression is always around. Like a cloud that follows your favorite cartoon character when they’re sad. It happens in real life. It was a cloud with all of my emotional elements; depression, anxiety, and those damn panic attacks! I wasn’t prepared for this storm; the lightening (visual warning sign) and then the thunder (the actual sound) following.
I had discovered these things about myself:
 If there was no voice, there’s NO power.
If the voice is recovered, the POWER is present!
Once the power is recognized, the struggle is OVER!
The struggle lasted longer than it should have. I’m ok with that, because my recovery was more imperative than losing in my mind. Clearly, I didn’t lose a thing. My imagination was more vivid than what my voices made me hear. I found my voice again in this forsaken season, and it came back stronger!
I’m glad I’m able to see clearly in this year 2020. Don’t let anxiety, depression, or panic attacks conquer your mind. The struggle is real, but it didn’t bury SHAMONDA!Â