I thought that I was ok, and I was but looking in the mirror tears filled my eyes. My mind said; “I am ok!” The reality of it was, that ok was just the beginning. Clearly we had a lot more to go through before ok, was a good thing to hear!
When you ask someone how they’re doing, you expect more than just “ok” as a response, usually right? But when you ask someone who is dealing with a loss, you expect their response to be as simple as “ok.” And in most cases with that reply you may only get silence following. Those truly concerned are ok with that answer, others just prying will attempt to get more out of you. Be careful! You may get more than what you’ve bargained for!
FYI..in doing IVF, your life is not your own. You are at the mercy of the fertility clinic. Whenever they call, you either have to change meds or be at their office for bloodwork, ASAP! It is a very stressful process. You and the nurse will become more acquainted in the downstairs area than your very own partner! The jokes that my nurses and I had in those rooms could go on for days. You’ll be amazed at what makes you laugh when you are stressed out!
I thought I was ok, and I was! Mind you, nobody told me that it would make your life so crazy! There were times, when I couldn’t catch my breath and I wondered why was I so stressed? Then I realized what it was. Anxiety, again!
This anxiety kept creeping up and making itself known more and more. It might have been because of the needles, and I couldn’t give myself the shots. That left my husband to give me all the AM/PM shots. Po thang! He didn’t like to see me cringe every time the needle came close, but we HAD to do it! I kept saying to myself; I am ok! This was the doctor’s orders.. so we kept going!
I’m coming to you from a different angle on this one, because I feel like someone needs to hear this. Who else better, than from me. I mean I went through it but I’m no expert! Our experiences speaks VOLUME on so many levels!
Here are some steps that you should know:
First things first, the moment when you and your husband decide to move forward to having a family, is also the very moment your life changes! It takes on a whole new level of attacks on your union! Attacks in communication, hormones (for women and men), and intimacy. Do you understand? If you and your spouse are not friends before entering into IUI or IVF processes, DO NOT DO IT! I repeat; “DO NOT DO IT!” This can rip a marriage apart in seconds!
Secondly, make sure you have an open communication with God! If you haven’t been praying before starting your parenthood journey, get back into your prayer closet! You will need strength beyond your own doing! There were moments, (financially) that me and my husband found ourselves on our faces in the nursery. We prayed for a miracle financially and it happened beyond our dreams! God’s movement is imperative in your journey!
Our 1st IVF cycle as unsuccessful and we didn’t take a break. We went right into another cycle right after that one. I believe it was 2 months later. I do mean from the actual transfer in March to the 2nd one that occurred in May. Although, our 2nd was successful it ended in miscarriage at 9 weeks and 5 days! How can I describe that? I can’t! It was and has been disappointing and left us in a stupor!
From crying in the shower, in my bed, holding my stomach and praying ridiculous prayers that God will restore the heartbeat of the baby! Was that a crazy prayer of a believer, no it was what we knew to do! Pray for a miracle! He didn’t restore the heartbeat of our little bean. And that is what has kept us down for a while!
So here we are wondering if we should continue into another cycle of IVF. We thought about it, and we both figured it was best to LIVE first!
We’ve had enough of the heart break and we will not stand for another one to happen with us! We’ve taken a stand to not endure unnecessary hurt during this parenthood process! I know you’re reading this like; seriously, are they giving up?
Heck naw, we’re not giving up! We have no choice to move forward in faith. If we have no faith it is impossible to please God! If nothing else, we have to please the God who has given us opportunity to live our lives in the first place!
Above all else, know when to rest in God and not relax! Everyone in the TTC community knows that the word “RELAX”, causes a stampede! LOL! Just know what to do when your body says; “That’s enough!” Listen to your body, your spouse, and to God when moving forward in parenthood!
Know that it’s ok to know you’re ok for now, and that you will be better than ok, SOON!
Signing Out,
Shamonda